See you soon-

...I'm taking the summer off from blogging.
I wish I could say I was off vacationing-I would really like one.
Work and multiple family needs are begging for my time right now.
I wish you all you kind souls a good summer.
See you in the Fall-

Where is she...?

I'm still here.
A  special thank you for those who keep checking in with me. I appreciate you so!

What's up?:

• Working (I love that I get to help people feel better...I'm a massage therapist...and doula in training...I've been to (2) births within last last few weeks...yep, I love my work)
• A little gardening: My basil is growing so lush! I put ginormous handfuls in my Blender. Add some lemon juice and zest and tiny bit of oil/water and buzz it up. Then I place it in an ice cube tray to freeze, then baggie it up to use for later. It's so delicious added to soups, sauces, salad dressings-or pastas (if you're so inclined). Wherever you like basil, this will work.
• Exercising: My work is physical, and I do try to walk... close to any body of water.
• BFC'ing/FT'ing: You see lately I'm not talking too much about that. It's because I'm not thinking too much about it. I'm not totally off the wagon (honestly). 2/3's of the time, I do really well :)
• Menopause-ing: For those who may be interested...I found an herbal blend with Black Cohosh and a few other things. I'm SO pleased to report my hot flashes have decreased in frequency & intensity...amazingly so.   I'm also searching/using some essential oils (I'll keep you posted on that experiment).

It's summer, and I want to do a happy dance. I just may...the day is young.

 I'm off to watch my grand daughter (she's 3, and most darling) take swimming lessons, pick some roses (mine are off the charts lovely right now), see a client, and welcome my traveling hubby home this evening :)

I send affection and support from one lady who's efforts are for physical and emotional health (that would be me) to each of you.

Take Care

I'm Here!

Yes, I am.

I've been working, enjoying wonderful company, basking in summer glory, sharing fresh herbs from the garden, and celebrating sugar free snow cones!

I wish you all well. This week is going to be gloriously busy-
So I'll check in when I can.

Take Care-

Can you picture this?

In my 'mind's eye' I can see this:

It's the perfect weather day: sunny and warm, and just the slightest breeze. 

I'm sitting at a large, round, umbrella covered table... and each of you are there. 

 There is a bouquet of pink & white peonies (a favorite) stationed in the middle.

 I would share with you my Stevia sweetened, mint infused water (fresh mint from my garden. I love to garden, and appreciate my herbs), with crushed ice, of course (another favorite). 

We're talking of family and life, and what we're interested in. 

 I know, I wouldn't notice the pound or two you've gained or lost/gained or lost. Or, If you were at your goal weight or not.  I would be too interested in what you were sharing, and who you really are.

 It makes me smile to imagine that.

Sisters, I've been thinking non-stop (strongly for two years, but for almost 35 years) of the number on the scale (my scale), and the food I should, could, would-or ought to have eaten (mostly, not eaten). 

It's a little crazy making--for me.

In our days of striving to care for ourselves we: shower, lotion up, do our hair/make-up, brush our teeth/floss, shave/wax, move our bodies, etc...you get the idea.

I never obsess about some of those self-care, health promoting tasks.

 But I do obsess about my weight and food I do or will eat.

Right now, that just doesn't feel right.

I have no desire to be bigger, or eat out of control.

 I do desire to feel good in my own skin. 

That includes, losing some weight.

What I really want, is to look at myself, the way I'd look at each of you sitting at that table.

I don't have any answers.

I am  questioning myself.

It's time for a mental shift.

I'll keep you posted.

Blessings to each of you, my round table buddies. 

Heated up the weekend!

I did heat up the weekend
 ....and not in a good way:

• Hot flashes (lots of them-too many to count). I'm looking for a more natural way to manage peri-menopause. If anyone has any experience or suggestions, I would appreciate some input here.
• 'Heated' discussions with my hubby. I was totally hormonal the last (3) days! I haven't felt like that in years. He was probably glad to leave this morning for his business trip.
• Overactive 'hot' appetite. You don't really want details about that-it wasn't my best (72) hours.
• My calm demeanor (heat shield) may have nearly been blasted off. I'm looking towards getting myself cooled down.

So....

I'm off to prepare for work, and hopefully enjoy this beautiful day that is brewing around here. I'm looking for the other Jeri-this newer 'hotter' version has got to go. She's wearing out her welcome!

Best Wishes for a good week, for you and me.

Happy Monday
I hope you enjoyed a good weekend...mine went by so fast.

* I've lost a lb and a few inches this last week.  I don't want to get in the punishing mode of
  I'm not good enough, and I didn't do enough (as I didn't meet my 2 lb goal, whatever!)
I'm celebrating the small stuff-or at least trying to.
* I've been working, gardening, and reading..some of my favorite things to do.
* I made 'cauliflower rice' and used it in a casserole...my husband loved it, and I pulled out my mandoline and made zuchinni noodles...and created some homemade strawberry syrup (sugar free) for a deliciously icy and frothy drink! Yep, we can have little fruit on FT.
Did you see the front cover of "O" magazine (Oprah's magazine)? It's a picture of her with her arm around her younger self. I only thumbed through it, but there was an article where she and others were speaking to their younger selves. I appreciate that type of reflection.
Can you picture this, yourself...myself. We're standing as we are right now with our arms around our younger self. What would you say to her/him?
As for me, my shortened version of that conversation might sound a little like this:

     I know you're worried about the future, but you're capable. Things will work out, they always do somehow. You know those impressions that come to you...listen...you can trust that.

 Don't worry so much about how clean your house is...play more (learn to play), and wear sunscreen!  

Change

You know the cliche:
 Change: "It's inevitable...like death and taxes"
But it's true.
I've felt a some sadness and confusion about our Rosalie.  It's been oddly unsettling  for me.  I understand where that comes from for me.
I liked Minichick's comment on acting (in)/(out). It fits my emotional eating profile. I learn so much from you all.

I've been asking myself a few questions.
Good questions.
Why am I blogging? 
What need is it filling for me? 
(support & friendship)


So in answer to my internal dialogue, I decided:
* To blog 1x week.
 I could use those few extra hours every week focusing on exercising, preparing healthier meals, etc....
 Good idea, right.
The weather is warming up, and I need to emerge from my cave.

Have a wonderful week all...see you next Monday.

I Found Some of IT

 Yesterday, I did wonder where IT was and where I'd put IT.
I had this experience last night (too many details to bore you with), but I was able to see my full backside fairly well in my large bathroom mirror.
 Yep, I think I found a little motivation there. Looking at my lumpy fanny, and generous waistline; I felt like I was looking at a body that wasn't mine...but it was (is).
That experience helped me NOT eat the bowl of ice cream that I was fantasizing about.
This morning I woke up an improved girl. What a relief to have a found a little of my better half.
I'll share a few goals:

1. Lose 40 lbs w/in the next (6) months. That's a little less than 8 lbs/mo or 2lb/wk. So do-able, right.
2. Exercise...no more waiting until I feel like it. Walking, Turbo Jam, ...whatever. I will get moving.
3. More green foods
4. I will eat in modified Fast Track style. Wheat products are the absolute death of my will power. I've proved that to myself a few times ;/

Six months from now will be the end of October.
 I want to tell the six.months.from. now. Jeri how proud I am of her. She did it, and will keep doing it for the rest of her life. She never wants to feel the way she did on April 27, 2012 again. She will want to remember how she feels right now on October 28, 2012 (her 35th wedding anniversary): Healthy, fit, energetic and full of life....enjoying life.
I'm putting that date on my calendar...right now.
It will be a memorable conversation.
...best wishes all.

Week-ending

The work week for me is ending. I've enjoyed warm weather, gardening, working, a little fun, and all that jazz...it's been a good week. Thanks for checking in with me, and offering friendship. Bless each of you.

Now for more truth:
. I've been so off with my food...too much sugar...too much--food.
. No good excuse. Maybe I'm just lazy?
. That's how I feel today. I just don't care that much...at this moment.
. I know no one can do this for me. But if I could... I'd ask Rosalie to do 'it'...she's determined and unwavering. Yep...I'd have Rosalie do this one for me :). She'd have this weight off within the next 6 months.
  
What do you do when you feel you've lost 'it'?

I know 'it's' here somewhere...I must have misplaced it?

I put it away while I was so busy these last few months, and thought I remember 'it' when I got back home and settled. I just can't remember where I put 'it'. I need to spend some time searching.

'It's' here somewhere...I just know it.

I hope you all have a great weekend. 

Company, working and a little more working

...that's what I've been up to.
And I'm grateful for both.
TODAY:
My daughter gifted me a make-up makeover...so I am doing that this afternoon. The esthetician I'll be seeing is good, so I'm hoping to learn some little trick. I feel that I rarely make makeup changes, and I've  basically have been doing the same thing for the last 25 years!
I can see my eyes getting older (and my hands/arms...I wish I would have used more sun protection on them...don't forget your neck and chest too!) , my eyes show everything...and that includes my age. I need to make some peace with the fact I'm getting older..not old...just older.
TODAY, I'm going to enjoy my daughter's company, be pampered a little, and use my Sephora gift card.
I've been a work.oriented.not.very.good.at.playing.kind.of.gal. So today is just about some fun and enjoyment. I'm up for that!

Company is coming!

My daughter,
 son in law,
 and two grand sons are coming
 for a weekend visit
...starting in a few hours.
So why am I still in bed?
Because I had to let you know-
May you all have a wonderful weekend.
P.S.
It's suppose to be 20+ degrees warmer than normal
I had to let you know that too...for all us winterized people...
Summer will be here before we know it!
Take Care

Lots of ways to change

There are many ways to measure change, and I'm holding on to that thought.  I got on the scale this morning...and no change there...yet.  So that means no lbs lost last week. (could have been the caramel corn on Sunday...the batch I made for someone else...but ate some myself?)

I'm choosing to look at the brighter side of all of this 'health recovery'  (don't you like that phrase) process I'm in.

 I AM drinking more water & eating more vegetables, and eating way, way less sugar.

 Those are things I'm doing.

 I think the most significant change is what's happening to my 'inner life'.

I feel more energetic, and hopeful. Now that's something to celebrate.

TIP for the DAY:  Don't let the scale determine if you are 'changing' or not.

May you have joy-

"When you wish someone joy, you wish them peace, love, prosperity, happiness...all good things.
-Maya Angelou-

I'm not posting about food, the scales or even a helpful recipe. I'm just thinking of you, and hope you'll en'joy' your day.

The week flew by...didn't it.

So happy week-ending to you all. Thank you for your support this week. It's amazing how steadying that is for me.
 I hope to report a few more lost (never to be found again) lbs by early next week. So my plan is to do those things that will help me do just that.
My week at a glance:
*Lost 3 lbs
*Ate way more vegetables
* Remembered to take my vitamins
*Exercise a few times
*Blogged
* Tried a few new recipes to help make eating healthy more interesting
* 7 days later I feel more energetic, more hopeful and a little lighter.
Take Care

A few of my favorite things-

Since my husband is traveling for work, I decided I didn't want to stay home alone (which I do a lot of).
So, I took myself to the movies and watched Titanic in 3D. I was in awe of Kate Winslet's beautiful skin. This time watching I felt even more sadness for the loss of life. I suppose my age is showing.
I'm FT'ing-my way. That means the occasional popcorn and few black beans. Jorge's FT book ok's some fruit. I do eat some berries too. As I've shared before, staying away from breads and most grains helps regulate my appetite. Many of us are enjoying the flax seed minute muffin recipe. It's such a great substitute for our 'bready' yearnings.
Some of my new favorites:
The almond flour/flax seed pancakes from Rosalie's blog. Fast and delicious.
Watkins Caramel flavored extract (I find mine at Wal Mart). I use it in my -almost daily-, **Ricotta pudding:  I buy the full fat Precious Ricotta (Per 1/4 C: 3 carbs/2sugars) The sugar/carb content varies among brands.
**Ricotta, 1 T choc chips, Stevia, flavorings...top w/ whipped cream and a sprinkle of chopped nuts.
Enjoy your day.

I'm getting closer-

I made myself get on the scales this morning, and I'm down 3 lbs from last week (just 7 more to go to be at my lowest this year).
What's been different??
A little daily exercise, no diet drinks, more water and vegetables, very, very low grains/legumes. I'm not counting, measuring, etc. this week. I'm just making an effort to lay off the foods I know don't help me!
Wah-lah! My body responds by giving off some of this excess weight!
I haven't been 'perfect' (I don't like that word...and it means something different to each of us). I've just made simple changes from meal to meal.
Some cooking inspiration came from:  www.kaylynskitchen.com.  I generally see recipes as a method and then tweek them to my liking. I really liked her Chimichurri recipe and others.
Take Care-

How was your weekend?

Ours was lovely and quiet...just what I needed.  Yesterday after church, we took a walk along a local river trail. The weather was warm and sunny, and for those of us living where it snows; those days feel like a time to celebrate.
Eating wise I'm doing much better. My appetite is still heightened, but I know that will change too.
Enjoy your day-

Is it really about food?

I've been thinking the last few days about impulse eating...which I know a little about :/
For me, grains and sugary foods fuel my seemingly out of control eating. That sensation, where a switch got  turned on, and if I just eat enough; I could turn it off.
There is an emotional component to my overeating...maybe even to my 'controlled' eating patterns as well?
Yesterday, I did a little physical exercise and made some good food choices. That's a great start.
The food is one part of my picture, and I'm searching out  how to take care of my emotional life.
I keep finding myself cycling up/down, up/down with my weight.  I'm now heavier than I was 5 months ago.
I'm not making any excuses for myself. I do  want to understand how I keep coming back to the same place.
Thanks for your support and insightful comments.
Take care-

One day at a time

Thanks for your kind comments yesterday...I'm borrowing the title from Diana's.
I made it through one day (yesterday). I did/ate those things I know are helpful. I plan to build on that today as well.
It's not so fun to fight the old urges to overeat & crave sugary/carby foods. I know those cravings will ease up...I have a faint memory of that truth!
Take care all-

A new day-

It's been enjoyable this morning to try to get caught up on your blogs. I've been MIA for awhile. I shared on Dawn's blog this morning that I'm dragging myself out of my carb cave today. And I mean dragging. I'm tired and bloated...and up 10 lbs from my lowest weight.  Teary...yes.   Disappointed...yes.  Hopeful...I'm trying.
I know what to do...yes.
Take care all-

It's worth it!

These little ones make me smile. Just an,  FYI the little guy in the cape (it's all he has on) had just fallen in the fountain...good thing the cape was off, so he had something dry to wear. I have nothing positive to report on the BFC front...I'm in survival mode for another 1 1/2 weeks.  I'll undo the 'damage' then!  Take care all.

Tuesday...

I flew in late last night and drove through the snow to make it home @ 2am. I wish I would have slept more than 4 hours...oh well, the week was worth it. I came home sick--I guess that happens when you burn the candle at both ends?
I'm home for (2) days and off for a (4) day continuing ed class...home for a few days, and husband has hand(s) surgery, and then and off to CA for a baby blessing...this will be a very quick trip, with more time on the road than in CA.
I really do think my life will quiet down?  I'm ready to be home for while...a long while.
It was fun trying to catch up on all your blogs this morning...take care.

What have I been up too?

* Lots of baby cuddling & visiting with family...and more for today, as most of my children live in CA being here gives me that opportunity :)
* Turned 55 this week!!

I'm not worried about 'diet' (trying to be mindful though) & exercise-I have another few weeks of not being in my own environment. I'm determined not to go on  a diet drink frenzy though no matter what!
I may be the slowest 'loser' in BFC history!
Happy Day to you all

Yep...CA again!

I got home this evening from a full (4) days of learning, I fly out early tomorrow afternoon...

Take care all-

Imagination

I thought of this fun picture to send you (you'll have to use your imagination, because I was too lazy to get my camera, and download the pictures...but I thought of you...that counts, right?)
. bottle of Pellagrino (did I spell that correctly) It's in a beautiful green bottle and has a lovely label.
. package of Stevia (also green package)
. a True Lemon package (the stuff is a box. You buy it by the Crystal light, but it doesn't have any fake sugar. This tastes pretty lemony-and has < one carb. There is also a true orange that is good too)
Mixed together in a large glass of water with plenty of ice--if you're feeling happy add a straw (the bendy ones is even better!)
Take a big sip and think of me...smiling.
I'm leaving  tomorrow for a (4) day continuing education class, and then to CA for one week with baby Georgia. Now my children fly me out to them (it's a nice gig). I'll check in with you all when I can.  You can think of me...enjoying my pre-perinatal massage class, and then holding baby Georgia for 7 days...I will be smiling.
Enjoy your day, and welcome to all the new ones who have joined my site. And a heartfelt thank you to my dear blogging friends who check in with me often. You uplift my days, and give me hope. Thank you.

...for real comfort

According to Jane Austen...it's where you go for real comfort.
HOME
Aren't we blessed to have a space that is ours? With it's mortgage, rental agreements, small or spacious ( I live in a townhome) , we have a place to call home.
It's a refuge to us-the place to catch our breath. Sometimes it's messy, and the fridge needs a good cleaning, and/or maybe there is laundry on the couch that needs to be folded?
 I think of it as a sacred space where we gather as a family...now it's mostly just my hubby and I.
I had another good day-and I plan on having another today!  I feel like I've caught my breath...thank goodness for home.
P.S. I've lost 5 of the 7 lbs I put on during my diet soda, sugar/carb week.

3 Full Days

For (3) full days, I did it...

.no diet soda

 .no out of control sugar binges.

. I'm getting back on track with Fast Track

.--and being home helps...a lot!

.I.am.going.for.day.(4).

Happy Monday to you all

I'm trying...

Most of us on BFC believe (I know)  that diet soda isn't good for us. I admit that I love it-especially Coke Zero.
 Last week I drank at least one a day...24 hrs. after my last soda, I lost 2.5lbs. Crazy, huh?
I may never be the 'perfect' dieter. In my head, that's the person who sets certain rules for themselves, and never (ever)  breaks them. I'm flawed, I admit it.
With this confessional comes a sharing that I want to do better, be better, look better.  I know in a few weeks I won't feel as tempted.
I did well yesterday, and so far today is going well too...
I'm trying...

Mojo...

1. Mojo is a magical charm bag used in voodoo, which has transmuted into a slang word for self-confidence, self-esteem or sex appeal.

As you know, I misplaced my mine...mojo that is...for a short time.
 I'm determined to find ALL of it...starting right now. Not at the next meal, tomorrow, or Monday...right now.
Actually, there is no 'magic' to weight loss/being healthy/looking great in your jeans.
I just got sidetracked...tired...overwhelmed.
(My life isn't any harder or more complicated than anyone else...it's just mine)
 In a way, I lost myself.  It didn't happen all at once...it never does.  (I've done this before)
May I share a few things I'm aware of today...it may take me awhile to really sort this out:
1)   I wanted my children to be proud of me. In some way, I thought they might love or approve of me more if I were thinner.  When in fact, I really need to love/care/approve of myself with the same intensity that I've always given to them...no matter what they say or do, or how they act.
2)   I'm getting bored with my 'diet', and I'm really missing fruit. However, I know how to 'spice' up my food life again.
So in reality, I'm searching for myself.
(P.S....I've gained 7 lbs from my lowest since I started BFC. I'm a little teary, but not deterred)

I'm a Grammy and other things too...

Just sharing my newest love...Georgia.
I'm also pondering the whys of my own weight loss/health journey...they've changed-and I need to look at that...I'll keep you posted.

Deja vous

I am home again...for 12 days or so. I think since November I've 'been home again' (5) times, and I'll be leaving  around March 12th and again early April!
I'm not complaining, just sharing. It's been wonderful to prepare for and celebrate new babies. Mixed in there has been the passing of two loved ones, and the terribly sad, tragic break up of a marriage/family (not mine, one of my children's). It's okay if my brain is stretched, right?
Ladies, with all this coming & going;  I'm having a hard time getting focused in my weight loss efforts. I am so happy for many of you, as I got a little caught up this morning on your blogs...you're doing so well, I'm proud of you!
 I'm slacking-that's the truth of it. I'm not giving up, just sharing.
...another example of deja vous.
Take Care

Grand baby on the way!

Grand daughter Georgia is on her way, making her grand baby #6. I'm one happy Grammy.
I'm leaving for CA in the morning...so I'll check in with you all when I can. I'll probably be gone until Tues./Wed.
If was fun to get to know some of you a little more-thanks for sharing (see last post, if you want to know what that is about)
Take Care-
Jeri

Getting to know you...

Are you ready?

How would you feel about sharing something that our little blogging group wouldn't know about you...nothing crazy, unless you want to...I'll go first:

You know I have five (5) children, but did you know I had  three (3) of them at home? Yep, I was a hippie (not really, but my kids say I'm was) in my former life. It was my way of having some sort of control over my body and the birthing process. My oldest is 33 y/o, and in the 'olden days' you were pretty much locked into bed, no good pain control meds, and it was VERY uncomfortable. So I opted to give birth at home. I had a midwife who was also a family friend. I walked, soaked in a tub and did as I  felt during my labors. I was fortunate all went well. I had really good experiences. It's not for everyone, and I don't recommend it...it was just my choice.

...now your turn:

Tuesday, and I'm home (again)

When I start questioning myself on why I'm so distracted in my weight loss efforts-my thoughts often go the fact that I've been gone so much lately, and that's not going to end soon. I did ok (notice the small caps) while I was gone. Some meals I made good choices, some, not so much. I think I'll  wait until tomorrow morning to get on the scale. The morning after traveling isn't generally too uplifting :)
The baby blessing was lovely, the funeral was tender, and being with family was a mix of all the good, and all the sad worries of the last few months. Family life is like that sometimes-and this IS my new normal.
But I'm home for a few days? week? I'll let you know when I take off...again.
It was great to catch up on some of your blogs, and to see how well you're all doing. It's helps me to want to keep going too.
Enjoy your day

See you next Tuesday...

My husband and I are on our way to CA in the morning. We'll be celebrating life for two little ones.
 Sunday is Benson's blessing day. Benny is our new baby who was born during the Christmas holiday. He's blue eyed and smiley, and we're in love.
Saturday, we'll  be attending the funeral service  for Lexi. She's our sweet little cousin who battled cancer for most  of her 3years on earth. She's still teaching us.
We'll get to be with (4) out of our (5) children, and other family members. It will be a wonderful long weekend.
**********************************************************************************

Yesterday I exercised, ate pretty well, and felt my energy increase.

I adjusted  the 1 min. flax seed muffin recipe:

added some cocoa powder and a little almond milk

 put a piece of the dark chocolate in the middle before microwaving

---dessert: chocolate molten style-you might like it with some whipped cream, I did :)

Take care you all

What is today...oh yeah, it's Wednesday!

...that's what I said to myself this morning. Do you ever do that? Trying to remember what day it is, or where your suppose to be?  I do that more often when my heart is on overload...my brain can only manage so many things at once!!!!
Example: On Sunday I was at my church meeting two (2) hours early (yes, you read that right), obviously I was confused. It starts @ 1pm...I was there at 11am.
I was so moved today reading Kay & Pattie's blog posts. We came together to talk about low sugar eating and changing our lives...and in the midst of this...we're having a life-with all it's goodness and challenges. I'm amazed at how Rosalie doesn't stress eat---ever , and it isn't because she doesn't have stress or worries...she does.
 I'm not quite there yet.
I'm doing better...way better in the eating department. No perfection, but way better. In the next 4 weeks I'll be making 3 trips to CA...so I think maintaining my weight is a lofty, but attainable goal.
So I'm clear...today IS Wednesday.
Take care all!

Happy Valentine's Day

TO YOU

New Day...New Week

...reporting for FT duty!
I did OK yesterday-I know to eat more green veggies, but I am getting refocused.
Bfst:
eggs w/ flax & coconut flour pancake
Snack: nuts
Lunch: Cauliflower pizza
...then I grazed the rest of the day: a little turkey w/ cheese, bites of egg salad, chia pudding w/ whip cream...does the 5 tortilla chips count :)?
As to be expected (at least by me), I wanted to eat more often. That's what happens when I eat wheat-my appetite increases, and I have a hard time getting full, and I feel 'fat'  and bloated around the middle.
I figured yesterday would be sort of a 'detox day'.  More mental detoxing today. I'm going to make the kale/sausage soup suggested by Beth-and exercise a little...I have clients in a few hours, so I better get moving.
I hope you all have a good day-

Truth, Honesty, and all that jazz...

Within a matter of three weeks, my sweet Aunt, has had her Mother (my grandmother) and her little 3 y/o grand daughter pass away. This little girl had been fighting leukemia for over half of her life.
 There are many people who fight hard battles everyday, as we all well know--and have experienced for ourselves. I suppose I am comparing my battles with hers...I don't know if that is helpful?
So I feel conflicted in my need to share my own little issues, but I must if I'm to break the bad habits of the last (7) days.
I've been on a diet disaster (maybe disaster is a strong word, but you get the idea) all week, and  I've been losing/gaining the same 3 lbs for many weeks. I'm feeling pretty frustrated with myself (honesty). My family situation continues to weigh on my mind, and I feel sad a lot (more honesty). Everyday I get up, get dressed, work, offer help when I can, but the sadness is always there.  I think this is my new norm...so I eat more than I need or things that aren't so good for me. (more truth).
Last night I just wanted to eat a pie (how's that for truth) Not a piece of pie, but the whole thing...I didn't. I did however eat a piece of Costco pizza for lunch. Blah, blah, blah...and all that jazz.
So my plan is to get back to basics and track my food, and exercise...I can do this, right!  These are just a few of the things I learn from you my blogging community. Thank you, and it helps to know you're there:
Dawn Get back to basics-and be honest (her truthfulness has given me permission to do the same)
Rosalie: Post/track our meals (She does this everyday-talk about accountability)
Amber: Check labels, and be more aware of my food (check out her food video posted on her blog)
Katie: Try new foods-and kindness matters (I just want to adopt her)
Pattie: Be loving and faithful (It's who she is)
Beth: Modify when needed (She' losing in the midst of a stressful time)
Sherri: Celebrate (I think it's a way of life for her)
Kay: Maintaining (She reminds me Zumba is fun, and I can get to goal weight too)
Diana: We're not locked into BFC or FT...just create a food plan/lifestyle you can live with (She is trying different plans to find the one that will fit her life...good for you Diana)
minichick: Educate ourselves, and be aware of how food effects your body (She is always studying/learning)
Susan: Keep going...don't give up (I want to love Yoga like she does)
Cat: Keep learning and growing (A busy Mom who's going to school, and who's open to new ideas)
PLEASE forgive me if I've missed anyone. I know there are new bloggers, so if you'd like me to follow you- just leave a comment. I know what it's like to be the new kid on the block.
Bless us all!

MONDAY, monday, Monday, MonDay

I choose to think of myself as simple...and not simply boring :)

1. I am going to clean my house and take care of my clients.
2.  I'm almost finished with the book I told you about: I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better  . I totally recommend it.
3. Maybe I'll unwrap the new Yoga dvd I bought...and maybe I'll do it too? 

That's all I've got...that's my day.
Take Care-

Weekend-is-a-comin'

Does anyone else get excited that it's Friday?  There is a promise of doing something a little fun-something different from everyday. I don't know what that is quite yet, but the promise is still there.
I had a meaningful visit with my counselor yesterday. For me, it was a tune-up for some of my thinking, especially the type that causes depression in myself.  Sadness doesn't always equate to depression...I hadn't put that together. Sadness is  appropriate when 'sad' experiences come. Depression (I'm speaking of myself, now) comes when I do the I 'should have' 'could have' 'ought to have'...you get the idea. So I learned a few things about myself, felt cared about, and left knowing if I need to come back, I'll do it...like I said before it had been awhile. I think of my therapist like my chiropractor, when I need an adjustment...I make an appointment.
So now you know that about me :)
Enjoy your weekend...and I hope there is a little fun in there for us all!

Thursday

Pattie is right...it's good to be busier--it helps us think about something besides food.  There is such a balance between mindful eating and obsessing about eating. The laying off of sugar & wheat helps me with both those things.
My work has been slow this week, but perhaps that's been a good thing to help me get my bearings.
I'm off to my counseling appt. in a few hrs.,  and have I a client this evening. I've been keeping my hands busy with trying to finish an afghan I'm crocheting for my daughter's b-day. Not all that exciting, but after the last few months...I'm ready for that.
On to food:
I've made the flax pancakes a few times this week. I don't think you need to add any oil to the 'batter' and I've been using almond milk instead of water. It's a good way to use it up, as I'm not an almond milk drinker, but I do like having it on hand. I rarely bake (safer for me that way), so this very quick 'bread-like' food is perfect for me. I like them way better than the coconut flour ones.
I'm off to enjoy my simple, non-exciting day. Blessings to you all.

Didn't know what to title this...

 I'm feeling a little better this morning. What a relief.  It's beneficial for me to know that there can be a shift in thinking/feeling (inner life) without circumstances (outer life) changing.
 I often say to myself that 'I choose peace' what that generally means is:  I can't change this situation, and I need some relief from the burden of it. (can you tell I have a lot of inner dialogue?).
 In my own way, that declaration is a prayer for help.
This morning I just remembered (funny how that happens) I had  this book that I bought a few months ago, at the suggestion of a friend.
 I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better.  Written by Gary & Joy Lundberg. (just a few $$ from Amazon)
 What a gift it's been to read something that speaks some truth to me and is giving me the very thing I need today:  A little relief.
Oh, and I dropped 1/2 of the weight I gained...FT works, BFC works, WW works...so many things will help us get those extra lbs off. We just need to create a life/eating plan that we can live with. Isn't that what we're all doing in our own way?
I have such affection for you, and our little blogging community. Don't give up...we're doing it.

Today is Tuesday

I most certainly enjoyed my massage yesterday. In my perfect world, I'd have one everyday...I really would.

Then (My husband is out of town for work) I took myself out to a movie...and I ate a junior popcorn. I believe that wasn't on my FT plan. No problem...I still think I'm a good person :)

One day I'll be out of this funk, and I'll be anxious to get out of bed and exercise, and I'll think of something enlightening to say... I'm just not feeling it today, and the 20 degree weather doesn't help. So to help myself: I have an appointment to see my counselor this week. I  haven't seen him in over  1 1/2 years, but it's time, and I need some help processing these last few weeks. 

 My grandmother (the one who passed away last week) was one of seven girls. Some of her sisters were her best friends. She would tell me what we needed to get through life, and it's problems was a good friend, someone to talk to.  I think she was right in so many ways. I like to think of her in heaven with her sisters: chatting and laughing, just like I remember.

Be good to yourselves today...I'm trying to do the same.

Massage

...yep, today I'm going in for a 90 minute massage!  I think you know I'm also a massage therapist, so I would choose that as a form of 'self-care.'  I do know know that whatever experiences we're having in our 'heads' is also being  processed in our bodies as well. Thus...I was up 3lbs this morning: stress & too much fast food while traveling = Jeri up 3lbs. I know it will be gone soon.
I feel like I've been 'taking' more than 'giving' to you all lately.  Which is quite the opposite of how I generally do things. I'm the caretaker in my family, in my work, in lots of my relationships... I'm sure that surprised you :) And now I'm feeling like I'd like someone to rush in and take care of me for awhile. That's not going to happen, so I'm going in for a massage.
How do you take care of yourselves when you 'hit a wall'?

Home

I came home to a good husband who had flowers waiting for me, and my bathtub clean and ready for a hot bath! And after a 12 hr drive home-that was heaven.
As I've wanted to protect the privacy of others, I've not shared on my blog the reasons I rushed to CA and the sadness. I believe this situation is the new norm,  and I will be learning a different way to relate to my loved ones. That's all I can say about that for now.
On my way home I stopped to see our daughter (the one with the new baby :). She looks amazing, and the baby is doing great after his emergency surgery. I spent the afternoon holding him, and I'd like to think he has a memory somewhere that makes him especially comfortable in my arms. Being with a new baby is especially healing for me.
I did really well with my eating while I was gone...until the last 48 hrs! No problem,  today is a new day...and I'm beginning again. I do know that eating health-full and exercising will be some of the best tools for me to manage the stress, and will help me get some more lbs off!
I hope you all have a great day, and I'm looking forward to catching up on your blogs.
Thank you for your kind and supportive emails. What a blessing you all are.

Wednesday Morning

The sunshine and green hills are surrounding me this morning. I try to hold  on to the thought that God is always present and everywhere. So I accept all this beauty as a reminder of that.

The circumstances that brought me here haven't changed-- and if possible, worse. I am hanging in there, but so sad.
I told a family member today-'good times are still be to had'. Maybe I said that for myself and much as for them?
I'm still optimistic that 2012 will be a great year!
Take care all-

Sunday Evening...

My precious love ones are sleeping, so I have a moment to catch up a little.

My trip went well, and a book on tape make the 12 + hr drive 'pleasant'. On the way here I got news my 101 1/2 year old Granny passed away. She took care of me a lot when I was little, so I have many happy memories.  

The weather cleared and brightened up long enough for me to take a nice long 5 mile walk today with my son.

I got to snuggle with my little grand daughter and have her tell me I was her best friend. So in this worry-filled day there were many good things scattered in...life is like that you know.

Take care all!

Some good news!

I almost started this post with an apology for less than uplifting posts as of late...but I changed my mind. No need to apologize for having a life that gets complicated and messy sometimes, or for feeling tired and vulnerable. I need to embrace my humanness.

So yesterday I rested and rested.  I ate on a veggie/chicken dish (you know the one I cooked and upheld to myself as some self-care) I had made, enjoyed a few clementines, and  drank lots of water. I went to bed early and slept for over 12 hrs! This morning I was 3lbs lighter...can you believe it? So I finally lost the 1.5 I gained over Christmas and another 1.5lbs.  Yeah and a happy dance!

I'm cleaning, packing, and gathering foods to take on my trip. I'm meeting up with my out-of-town working husband tonight, and will be on my way to CA in the morning. I hope to keep checking in with you all while I'm gone. I'm unsure how next week will go.

I'm always grateful for each of you and your support. Let's keep going ladies...even if it means you need to rest for awhile :)

No change in weight...

...but after last week--that steady number on the scale is amazing!  My eating is getting better and cleaner, and closer to what I know is good for me.
If you were wondering...I'm still  FT'ing. I love it's simplicity-I really do. I know many people who are slender & healthy that eat bread/grains everyday at most meals.  Just know for me they trigger something in my brain-that I don't feel full/satisfied.   I've made a conscience and informed decision for myself.
Yesterday, I pondered  self-care. I cooked a healthy dish, and offered it up to myself as self-care. I gave myself permission to not run errands or feel compelled to over work, and I considered it a form of self-care. Today I'm resting a little more--I'm calling that some self-care too.  Everyday looks different, so I know what feels caring to me today--might feel unproductive and not the best use of my time on another day. So I just need to listen.
I do so much better when I listen to myself: Rest, eat less grain carbs, speak kinder to yourself, forgive yourself and others...you know what I mean...just listen.

Back to Cali

Sometimes all you can say is 'It's been a week (s)!"  I'm leaving on Thursday evening for CA to be there for some loved ones.  I know it seems that  I write cryptically about some things, but I feel the need to honor the privacy of others.
Do you find self care becomes more complicated--or less clear, during times of challenge? At least it does for me. (I'm open to your thoughts on this...)
 I do know that I'm not going to search out any chips, sugary foods, or Coke Zeros...that doesn't scream "self-care" does it?
So what am I going to search out?:
*... my large cooler, so I can pack up some BF/FT friendly foods for my trip.
* ... the support of friends (one way is to keep blogging).
*...God's inspiration through prayer
Blessing to us all-

Thank You-

Thanks so much for your support and friendship. I feel lifted up by your goodness.
 Here's my report for today. I had a long workday, but I'm grateful for my work!
I drank more water and herbal tea today-tried to stay hydrated.
Bfst:
Eggs w/ spinach, pesto, and cheese
Snack:
a few handfuls of freeze dried apples (I know higher sugar, but I ate them anyway)
Lunch/Dinner: I actually 'snacked' on these foods during the afternoon-
Roasted chicken
Ricotta pudding
Few olives
It's not pretty, but so much better than the last week
I don't want to see another food week like the one I've had...so I am forgiving myself, pushing the "restart" button, and not kicking myself while I'm feeling down.
Blessing to you all!

Falling Off The Wagon...

What I'm blogging won't be uplifting and possibly not helpful to anyone but myself.
I can't (won't) even say what I eaten in the last 24 hrs., but know I'm all 'sugared' up. I'm just too embarrassed to say  This falling off the wagon has been coming on for a week, and I just didn't stop it. I don't handle stress and sadness very well...obviously.
 I had made it through the holidays and 3 weeks in CA without even of portion of the damage I've done lately. I've been BFC'ing/FT'ing it for 7 months, and this is the first complete loss of control I've felt.
All I can say is I've experienced intense & total emotional eating-combined with the 'addictive' qualities of the the foods...Not fun ladies-don't go there.
SO WHERE TO GO?
Begin again-and I will.

A little more flax...

The fog is lifting just a little bit here. There are many unknowns right now, but I'm still here kicking!
Here's a new recipe/technique for you:
Crispy (really is crispy) Flax Cracker
2 T flax meal
2 T water
Salt & pepper (you could add other spices-they're your crackers)
Mix together and let set until thickened...abt. 1-2 min.
Spread evenly on parchment & cook on high for 2-2 1/2 minutes.
I topped mine w/ a little bit of pesto--really liked it!
Some serving ideas:
*Cinnamon/stevia on top before baking and top w/ cream cheese spread
* Mini tostada
* Whip cream & berries
Let me know if you come up with any good combinations
Best wishes to you all-

A bag of Lay's Potato Chips

Yep, that's what I've eaten over a period of days...Tomato and Basil-not the individual size, but the full bag. Mindless eating-drug like eating. I'm not trying to sound dramatic, but just describing the truth.
To honor the privacy of others-I'll just say it's been a very sad  few days, full of worry and fear. I don't drink, so I ate.   Obviously, I still go to food in times of crisis.
However---today is a new day...the chips are gone...there is hope...and I have a lot to be grateful for.
So that's my story.  Blessing to you all...and a few for myself.

Flaxseed Wraps (pancakes)

I couldn't find my cord to download pictures, but  these are good!!! The recipe is adapted from 'Wheat Belly'. Dr. Davis suggests using them as a wrap. I made (2) batches and ate them both, for a S/C of 0/1 and 12 gr. fiber. Check your ground flaxseed meal to make sure. I used Bob's Golden Flaxseed-ground.
Of course I can't leave anything alone, so here's my version that makes very tasty 'pancakes'. Or fill them like a crepe w/ cream & berries. They're yours so do whatever you like :)
Mix together:
3 T ground flaxseeds
1/4 t baking powder
pinch salt & 1/2 t cinnamon
1 pkg Stevia
Add and mix to dry ingredients:
 2 T water & 1 egg
1 T (or less) melted coconut oil...or whatever oil you want
I poured 1/2 of 'batter' in oiled pan and spread out w/ back of spoon-Like a pancake you'll know when to flip...only takes a minute or so.
So if you want them savory...add whatever seasoning, herbs you like w/out the Stevia. Both versions are good, and I will be making these again.

Home

...it's a good place to be.
I got on the scale this morning. I'm up 1.5 lbs-not too bad. I think a day or two at home will take care of that, as traveling always tweeks with my weight.
My goal was to not gain while I was gone. Generally the holidays and traveling would have added at least 5 lbs...probably more. So this is good.
But I don't want to get stuck here. It's really time to hit the exercise. I'm getting soft where the fat use to be...anyone know what I mean--without getting too graphic!
I'm still going to Fast Track...my way.  That means occasional -small amt of beans or hummus. You can FT forever-lots of people do, but just don't call it that.  Honestly, I think for me staying away from grains has curbed my appetite, and kept me from overeating. I could be a carb-o-holic in  heartbeat. There are some foods I do better just not eating...even in small amounts.
I'm going to try a few recipes from the book 'Wheat Belly' this weekend. I'll share later. I'm also going to get a pedi/mani today, and go on a date with my hubby. We're going to see Sherlock Holmes...I hear it's really.good.
I hope you all have a great weekend as well...do something fun!

Going Home

I'm leaving CA this afternoon:
 I'm leaving my sweet daughter who has her arms full with two boys under the age of two. I know she's capable, but it's going to challenge her for sure. As a Mom I would like to soften the harder edges of life for her, sometimes I can...but often I can't. That's not so easy for me.
I'm leaving these little boys whom I adore.
I'm leaving the 70+ degree weather :(
I'm going home to:
My husband, home, work, and some rest. I have a lot to go home to.
I looking forward to setting my goals for myself-it's time.
That's my day, and I hope your day is good as well.
Take Care-

Still Sunny in CA

I sat outside this morning, baby in arms, eyes closed-enjoying the warmth.  It's always my prayer in these joyful moments to have that feeling planted...deep...so I don't ever forget.
My stay in CA is coming to a close, as I'll be flying home Thursday evening. I've been here almost 3 weeks. It will be hard to leave this sweet little family. I get to take care of the baby every night, getting up with him, feeding him his Mommy's milk via the bottle, changing his diapers, and singing little songs to get him asleep. Yes-I'm in heaven.
All that being shared, I'm ready to be back home with my husband, and focus on myself a little.  I need a massage, mani/pedi for sure, and it's going to happen :).
Enjoy your day as well.

Welcome 2012

I have thought about Kay's comment on my last post about 2012 being an amazing year for ALL of us. I believe that too.  I say that realizing how precarious life is-we never know what's round the corner, but we navigate it anyway.
Somethings we can control and others we cannot.  I come from an alcoholic mother. When I was a young girl, I use to feel bitter when I read the serenity prayer. I no longer carry around all that hurt and bitterness, and in someways appreciate what my ailing mother was trying to do.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can (and my favorite part), and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm trying too.

Happy 2012...I'm glad I get to share it with you all. It is going to be amazing!